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Saturday, 8 August 2015

Milestone Maths

I have always wished that there was a manual for Life. A flowchart of the practicalities, the real deals, the Plan B solutions and how we all should be reacting and responding to each trivial happening in our lives. Wouldn't that be useful?
(If you don't wanna read my 'ramblings' scroll down to the FIRST KISS capitals)


A recent 'revelation' highlighted in an article this week has revealed that we may all be living in a simulated universe and life as we know it is actually fake. Well that's a load of codswallop but does slightly refer to how at times in my day-to-day life existence I often feel an outer-body experience as if I will wake up from who I am, as if I am watching myself from the sidelines *freaky* anyone else have this sensation? probably just me.

But back to reality...*or er what we think is reality- man this could get deep*

Who creates the ideals, the social etiquettes, WHEN will it be socially acceptable to burst into full musical number when life gets you down or the opportunity presents itself perfectly???

Beautifully illustrated here in this Miranda Hart Clip from Episode 'Job', Series 1

Our generation have our eyes set on big ambitious things, it now seems we always have to be doing something, on the go with our social lives attached firmly at our fingertips within reach for immediate response. These events in our lives are then competitively displayed on social media for everyone to aspire to, envy and seek that ideal with the current popular hashtag #[]goals, #relationshipgoals, #bodygoals... but who sets these standards? In the recent September issue of UK Cosmopolitan magazine Jameela Jamil discusses a topic of 'Milestones'- a recent poll has dictated a list of major life events and associates an age in which you're expected to reach each one.

~Definition of Milestone~
 An important event, as in a child's development, the history of a nation, or the advancement of knowledge in a field; a turning point.

The article is a good-read and I would reccomend following Jameela Jamil's #justsayin Cosmo column. I work with children with special needs and often evaluate a child's development based on what age their progression matches to a large mass of information. Worried mother's on support groups angst about their child not reaching the age of sitting up, standing, walking, talking, so milestones are in fact quite important but how important are the more social less vital milestones in later life?

So for a blog entry I thought it'd be fun to see how my life is currently matching up to these dictated life goals. Of course there is the argument that there is no rule that we must procreate or marry but I personally would like to take the tried and tested traditional approach to life- call me boring, so all being well I do hope these milestones are destined for me in the future.

At uni one of my final dissertations was to write a 5-Year Plan...not a bad idea really and I got to 2 years before it all fell apart so this should be interesting!


Ok, so going to an all-girls school up to the age of 16 has prevented me from gaining life brownie points on this one. I was 17. It was during the film X-men. He told me afterwards it shouldn't have happened. Failed already.

Winning-at-Life Points: 0


I was off to uni aged 19!  Juggling an intense course, living away from home and the general punch in the face of reality I could not think about applying for a job. This happened the year I finished uni when I was 22.

 Winning-at-Life Points: 0


Ooh higher than expected! I'd like to point out my Grandma never learnt to drive in her lifetime- that's pretty crazy in this day and age. I thought I was pretty late at the age of 23 but living next to a train station, then living in London AND having a great taxi service called 'Mum' - very cheap and efficient, I'd reccomend! Driving got pushed aside til after uni. I passed first time but 'cheated' by learning on an Automatic and before you lecture me: no, in an emergency I'd be the least safe to drive your manual car whatever car I learnt on. Emergencys = inner panic = clumsy unsafe driving.

 Winning-at-Life Points: 0

YES! 1 point to me! One word: Butlins. That's got to count right? It was to celebrate end of mocks at aged...Oh christ too old for dare I say 16? Ah but there was one parental on this wait! Disneyland Paris with 2 friends from uni aged 20. Get in! We were doing prop/costume related 'research' of course...

Winning-at-Life Points: 1


Err I acquired my first aged 22...does that count?

Winning-at-Life Points: 2


Now this I have definitely won at. 21. Universal Studios, Florida. A trip of reaching crazy heights and depressing lows... yes, I think we will both never forget the 'giraffe feeding' incident. A story for the ways-to-embarrass-your-ex bank.

Winning-at-Life Points: 3


This is a sore point. I have never in my life been a bridesmaid. Oh, I've been a guest at weddings, sung choir solos at numerous stranger's nuptials but never even when I was too-young-to-remember been asked to wear a floaty matching outfit, given a bunch of flowers and sauntered down an aisle with a good-looking dapper sides-man. And probably the only time this will happen is my sister's wedding *hint hint* or MINE.

Winning-at-Life Points: 3


Holy moly, if I'd like to exist in a hovel: working and sleeping, working and sleeping...and  living off rationed bread with my mascot for loneliness:  a solitary hedgehog! this would be achievable. Funnily enough I aspire to 'have a life' and quite cosy at the parents house for the time being.

Winning-at-Life Points: 3


Woohoo a point! 22. Damp and a flooded kitchen thanks to a broken, curry-filled dishwasher ended this. I steer clear of dishwashers now and I don't even like curry!

Winning-at-life (or not) Points: 4


Nil Pois. So you've literally just moved in with each other and then they pop the question? (wowee eager beavers). At the age of 17 for a college art project I had my palm read. A very unsettling experience having your hands groomed by a leering bearded 'money-grabber' but anyway in the name of Art it was prophesied that at the age of 24 (now) I'd find 'The One'. Mate, you've got 2 months or else I want my money back and seeing as all men I know my age are either gay, not tall enough, or in firm (possibly already engaged/married) relationships this is looking very bleak. I do feel a lot of 20-somethings jump the boat a little early and committing to someone in this decade of life is quite a leap of confidence in who you are as person so as I'm still finding my feet in life I think I'll stick around being young, free and single!

Now to look into the future...


Well yes, possibly still achievable...but see above.


 HA! - funny.


hmm a little on the optimistic side. I'll probably have just sorted out my how-to-earn-money aspiration by then. *counts* Oh come on, that's 3 years!? I'd want at least 3 years to get to know the guy that will help spawn my first child.


In these economic times unless I win the lottery (note to self: must first buy a lottery ticket) or marry someone rich whose not a cock. This milestone is way out.

Winning-at-Life Total: 4/10

Right. I'll stop there. Above is the info-graphic (I love these- don't you?!) illustrating the milestone maths, perhaps I'll update this as life moves on.

So someone please enlighten me what exciting things happen between the age of 39 and 60?

And retiring at 60? Yeh that aint gonna happen.

So to round this up regarding the poll, I am stupendously failing at life with 4 points out of a possible (up to my current age) 10. But so what, we're all an individual, we all have flaws: we live, we learn, we do it again, then rant about hindsight on Facebook and write a sarcastic blog post on it.

How can we live these expectations out when life is so unpredictable, life is becoming even more multi-cultural, modern perceptions of people are changing and society is becoming more and more relaxed on the chronological events of life. Sex before marriage, children brought up by single parents, teen pregnancies and new generations of young grandparents. Economically the world is suffering: people having multiple jobs to make a living, the pension-age increasing and people are living longer life-spans. Once thought of as Taboos are no more: same-sex relationships, equality and Feminism and dare I say it having the 'control' of choosing when and how you die (Oh, don't get me started on that one!)

Crazy what can happen in a life-time.

So how's Life with you?